Sometimes, someone special comes into your life and you know for sure they're meant to be your soulmate -- or at the very least, an addition to your harem. Unfortunately, sometimes they come with lady parts and that's really not what you're looking for at this time. One such friend is "Sally" (I've changed her name to protect her from all the other people who may try to steal her from me since she's so awesome).
"Sally" and I are both on the same pain killers, because we have the same doctor and he's being bribed to hand out the same non-narcotic pain killers. Like this is a fucking Torchwood: Miracle Day episode or something.
Observe what happens when you combine pain killers with crippling boredom:
Sally: I'd like to be a robot. Can I die and become a machine? Being human is overrated.
Me: No. Only because according to our medication we have to use care using machines, and you see how well that went with my iPhone.
Sally: Then don't use me! You're always trying to use me. If we were in a REAL relationship, this wouldn't be a problem. But NOOOOOOOO. It's always about sex with you. *Sob*
Me: Duh. Hey, will you automatically clean my floors when they get dirty? I could probably be ok with you being a sexy roomba.
Sally: I can get a roomba attachment to clean your floors.
*Thinking it over*
Sally: But I don't want to clean even if I were a robot.
Me: You'd have no choice. As your human overlord I'll run your prime directives, which means you're cleaning my floors. However, since I'm a benevolent overlord, I'll rub your tummy in exchange for you cleaning my floors.
Sally: Can I download a purr?
Me: Only if it's a tiger purr.
Sally: Best. Master. Ever.
Me: This is totally becoming a blog post.
I think this is where I say "drugs are bad, m'kay" but really. Who DOESN'T want to be a robot and/or robot overlord?